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my testimony::raw honesty

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I was raised in church, from young childhood. My mom taught me many, many Bible stories. & I grew up believing in God. I never actually stopped believing. But I got so far from Him, without even noticing it. Because it happened little by little.
The whole time I still considered myself a Christian. As I got older, I started getting interested in crap, I had no business being into. Video games that had stories that involved devils, (even if the game itself was only a fighting game…I fell in love with the characters background stories & lives) , Songs that had vulgar language. Even my own thoughts were getting quite perverted. (I didn't realize how bad it was till I look back on it) I always had an excuse for everything…I actually believed these stupid excuses. Such as: "I won't listen to anything TOO vulgar, I'll pretend they're talking about something else when they sing that part." "I look at the devil characters as the bad guys, so that's not so bad that I like these stories…if I disapprove the devils, & any hint of occult…or pretend one is something other than they are" (REMEMBER, I ACTUALLY BELIVED THIS NONSENCE!)
I still try to not fall into this kind of thinking now…now that I see how easy it is to deceive yourself. Keep that in prayer for me, kay? That I'll be willing to give up anything He wants me to & accept that it's what's best for me, not make excuses.
My excuses for my perverted daydreams was something like: "These characters aren't even real, so there's no chance this really happening, I just won't think anything TOO dirty (which now that I look back on it, 'too dirty' pretty much only referred to actual sex, though a few other things fell in that category too) The older I got I stuck with the same excuse but it turned into "OK I'll have sex in my fantasies but I'll just make sure that I marry the guy in the dream too..so no adultery..all good"
I friggin had a stupid excuse for almost EVERYTHING, the whole time still believing in God, even praying…when I needed help mostly" I was always a bit..ok more than a bit scared of Hell. (that explains my 'inability to lie' growing up) But I thought as long as I believed in God, got saved, didn't do anything too bad (steal, lie, drugs…you get the pic) …..but I was so in love with, & obsessed with SOOOOOO many things over the years that I shouldn't have. (One time in my life……& I'm STILL trying to figure out how I rationalized THIS ONE……….I was obsessed with the Hannibal movies (owned 3 of 'em)) Oh, I had a lame excuse to cover myself…..the stupidest one of all…made NO scene! " I like the movies & his character, I just don't approve of the murdering ^^" ………..-_-……uh..yeah…that really was my thinking… I really did make myself believe these excuses….you can make yourself believe anything is OK if you really want to.
So anywho, over the years I would finally get convicted of one problem, then painstakingly remove it from my life, stressing & praying the whole time for Him to take away my love for whatever it was, so it would be easy to part with it. But no sooner did one piece of crap get removed, did another come to take its place. I finally started trying to get closer to God. (no doubt fueled by that ever-present fear off Hell)
I remember once I was in my mom's church…Sunday morning I think it was….her church is a little hometown church, with only two rows of pews, but filled with the Spirit none the less. ^^I was being prayed for.  & I remember one of the ladies got a message to tell me…I didn't catch or remember all of it, but I remember it was something along the lines of "the devil wants to make you weed, to be cut down. God saying I have called you Mine" Now that's not word for word what she said…I don't even remember word 4 word what she said….I just know when she said it, it made me think of the parable of the wheat & the tears. A wakeup call…..the devil is trying to make me a tear (weed; ie: of the world) …and I definitely could see how I'd fallen into some things I had no business in……..and the end of the tears is: they were gathered together in bundles, & burned.
It took a good many years for the Lord to work on me…get me to be willing to give up all my crap…to trust Him…..to want His will not mine……to get it through my thick head that He knew what was better for me in the long run.
3D was a HUUUUUUGE help…It was His main tool to break my shell. I really don't think she knew all the details, but my friend Melissa once told me that she could see the difference in me from when I first came to 3D. God brought me such a long way!
I thank Him for not giving up on me……I needed some serious humbling! LOL! Considering that the opposite of humble is proud…..It's true what they say: "Pride is the fountainhead of all other sin…..and pride is the hardest to be broken"
And the word "pride" doesn't just mean you're a stuck up snob…it's mostly about trying to take control of things, rationalize things, instead of letting yourself be convicted…admitting to yourself & God that you don't know anything…ANYTHING…that you need HIS wisdom, HIS word, His guidance, HIS chastising, & most importantly HIS grace & mercy…..Finally agreeing to live by the motto "Father not my will (even if I really really really want it) but Your Will in me be done"
Matthew 6:24 NO MAN CAN SERVE TWO MASTERS: FOR EITHER HE WILL HATE THE ONE, AND LOVE THE OTHER; OR ELSE HE WILL HOLD TO THE ONE, AND DESPISE THE OTHER. YOU CANNOT SERVE GOD AND MAMMON.(the word 'mammon' is derived from a Babylonian word meaning 'anything at all')
I am so much happier now than I ever was then…..I feel sooooooo much more free too & sooooooo much more safe. I LOVE YOU GOD! ♥ And for the record: God has replaced all my old crapy fandoms with new beautiful ones! ^^ I only recently discovered the Narnia books (though I'd seen the movies I didn't feel like reading the books) & now I'm an official Narnia Freak! Haha! I loooove it, I looove symbolism! I also loooooooove Flyleaf & Skillet (Flyleaf more of course…it can't be helped…it's AMAZING!) ^^ ♥ (by the way…ask me sometime how I first found about Flyleaf ^^ It's a cool story…but this part is long enough already LOL I'm trying to wrap it up) ^__^ Also the other day I was at Mardels (Christian book store) & I happened upon a manga called 'Serenity' I flipped through it & loved it…ended up getting volumes 1-4 (& woulda got more if they'd had #5) So guess what? I have another new amazing (clean) fandom!! WOOT! ^^♥
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And yes there are plenty of comments I've left over the years on here, that I wish I could take back now. But last I checked DA won't let you delete your own comment if it's on someone else's art/journal/page  =(
So you may come across some of my old comments on here. But in the words of one of my fav songs:
Separated, & I cut myself clean, from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams. Been apprehended by a Spiritual Force, & a Grace that replaced all the me I've divorced.
Full title: my testimony in all raw honesty

About: at my Church at Victory, our pastor told us that shareing our stories is the greatest form of witnessing. He encouraged everyone to share their testimony on the IIID Facebook page. This is the first part of mine. I wanted to submit this part here too.

Haters gon hate: you can't make me mad :XD:
all rude/hateful/troll comments will simply be marked as spam & not responded to. If I get too many rude comments, I may just disable them. But this isn't going anywhere.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, I still love you :tighthug:
And I really do love you all so much, even the haters/trolls :tighthug:
UNASHAMED JESUS FREAK! :iconclingtothecrossplz:
© 2011 - 2024 Sugar-Fire
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AshTheRebelFox's avatar
That is a lot like my story...thank you for sharing all of that.

I think more people need to hear these testimonies.^^

XD DC talk Jesus Freak !


God Bless you.